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Favorite Quotes
Edited by Gene Griessman, Ph.D.
www.achievementdigest.com
Axis of Evil Wannabees
by William Marlatt
"Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of
Evil", Libya, China and Syria today announced that they had formed the "Axis
of Just as Evil", which they said would be more evil than that stupid
Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of in his State of the
Union address.
"Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the
new Axis as having, for starters, a really dumb name. "Right. They are just
as evil . . . in their dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il.
"Everybody knows we're the best evils . . . best at being evil . . . we're
the best."
"Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, although
they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil. "They told
us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad.
"An axis can't have more than three countries", explained
Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it's tradition. In
World War II you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So, you can
only have three, and a secret handshake. Ours is wickedly cool."
"International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was swift, as
within minutes, France surrendered. Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations
rushed to gain triumvirate status in what has become a game of geopolitical
chairs. Cuba, Sudan and Serbia announced that they had formed the "Axis of
Somewhat Evil", forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the "Axis
of Occasionally Evil", while Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia established the
"Axis of Not So Much Evil Really as Just Generally Disagreeable...."
"With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable
clubs filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called
the "Axis of Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to
Host the Olympics".
"Canada, Mexico and Australia formed the "Axis of Nations That Are Actually
Quite Nice But Secretly Have Some Nasty Thoughts About America", while
Scotland, New Zealand and Spain established the "Axis of Countries That Want
Sheep to Wear Lipstick". "That's not a threat, really, just something we
like to do", said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack McConnell.
"While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't
perhaps making fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axis,
although he rejected the establishment of the "Axis of Countries Whose Names
End in 'Guay", accusing one of its members of filing a false application.
Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges.
"Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any
Axis, but privately world leaders said that's only because no one asked
them."
(This satire has been widely attributed to John Cleese,
co-creator of
Monty Python's Flying Circus. Thanks to a reader who
identified the real author, and our sincere apologies to the talented
Andrew Marlatt. Marlatt is author of Economy of Errors, which
can be obtained at SatireWire.com--where this piece was originally
published.)
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